Joy to the World? (I hope. I think we need it.)

I can't write sentences. It's killing me. I have a hundred thoughts fluttering around my head like schizophrenic butterflies, but nothing. I feel very uncreative, and...oh please no!...cliché. But you know what? We're letting lose around here. I'm going to sit here and type and I'm going to post whatever comes out. Buckle your seatbelt, or bail out now!

If there was a time of year that would make me most appreciate being a Christian, that would be Christmas. Maybe it's because its raining in Sarnia. Christmas feels weird this year. It feels really gross.

Don't get me wrong, I love "Christmas", or at least I thought I did. I love traveling to Ohio and seeing all my Mom's family. I like running down the freezing unheated hallway of the lodge we rent in order to get to our bedrooms. I love listening to everyone talk. (Even though it makes me feel like I'm a five year old at some sort of writer's conference with C.S. Lewis, Charles Dickens and Walt Whitman.) I love getting gifts for people, and yes, I like getting new things. I like being reminded of the Christmas story, and imagining it in new ways.

But it all feels really strange.

First of all, this year Christmas songs playing in the mall, creeped me out. They didn't annoy me, they terrified me. Is that weird? But I think listening to "Santa, Baby" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "Jingle Bells" repeatedly in the mall has either killed my soul or subtracted ten years from my life.

Parking lots and traffic made me want to retreat like a hermit into my home. People are insane.

Buying gifts didn't feel the same, and I know getting gifts won't either.

What is this strange holiday that everyone seems to be celebrating? What a crazy societal phenomenon. How did this happen? What are we celebrating at Christmas, really?

Ok. When I stop just being angry about this, it just makes me really sad. Christmas has become a disgusting reminder of how messed up we are. Even the things that I "love" about Christmas, although not bad, really has nothing to do with Christmas. Sure, I love getting together with my family and seeing them, but that's not Christmas, that's loving my family. Like really, what do people who aren't Christians celebrate at Christmas? (scratch that, what do Christians celebrate?) "Friends and family" or "the spirit of giving"? Sure that's nice sounding, but it feels so dead. The spirit of giving? Giving to who? Your friends and family? The people who are well off as you.

So I've become all depressed.

But there's something amazing about feeling this crappy about Christmas. I realize how much I have to celebrate. Imagine life without Christ, (I'm closing my eyes and picturing Masonville Mall in London this evening.) I'll wander through the parking lot, and realize how much I have to be thankful for. Its not til I feel so empty that I realize how much has been filled when God came down to earth.

Joy to the World.